There are some moments in fashion that I’ll never forget. I’ll never forget the time I bought my first Prada, or the day that Alexander McQueen died, or that regrettable morning I woke up to discover that my favourite designer of all time–Nicolas Ghesquiere–had suddenly left Balenciaga after 15 years. But there are also things that I’ll never forget simply because they have left scars too deep. Here are five things that have shaken me to my core this week…and it’s only Wednesday!
1) Kylie Bisutti’s Christian clothing line. Bisutti is a former Victoria’s Secret model who is focused on “getting God’s word into the world.” I can think of ten different jokes about angels who have lost their wings and fallen from grace (Satan also comes to mind), but I think this ridiculous idea speaks for itself. According to Bisutti, the God-Inspired (GI for short, as if the bastardisation of a holy book even needs abbreviation) designs are meant to be “fashionable and up to date. It’s why we have a lot of neon stuff right now—that’s what’s really in right now.” Not only do these cheap polyester clothes ignore the verse that prohibits mixed fabrics (Deuteronomy 22:11) they are also ugly as sin.
2) Rihanna for River Island…again. As a singer and performer I think Rihanna is great. As a designer, however, she’s an epic failure. Not only are some of these pieces absurdly overpriced (£200 for a “limited edition” pleather jacket?!) but they are also hopelessly derivative. The only thing tackier than Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci right now is Rihanna trying to copy Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci, mixed in with heaps of cheap camo and mesh fabrics. I pray that she doesn’t bring this collection to London Fashion Week again because that’s the last thing the city needs to overcome its underdog status–another celebrity designer showcasing sweatshirts and leggings with “RiRi” and “G4Life” logos everywhere.
3) Lucky September 2013. I’m sorry…but do people even care about Blake Lively anymore? Does she have something major and career-rejuvenating coming up that I don’t know about? I found her character on Gossip Girl so adorable (annoying, but adorable) but she’s pretty much drifted into oblivion since then, and her awkward performance in The Green Lantern didn’t exactly help. Aside from the random choice in model, I don’t think Eva Chen (who I actually really like!) chose a good photo for the cover. Blake Lively looks scared.
4) Marc Jacobs f/w 2013 advertising campaign. I first saw this campaign a few weeks ago but I’ve been waiting for Marc Jacobs and Katie Grand to publish a tweet saying “Gotcha!”. I refuse to believe that this is real, and that these images were ever approved. They are bad, and not in the whimsical or even entertaining way. They are just b-a-d.
5) Justin Bieber’s butt. Not technically a fashion event, but when a teen heartthrob is photographed naked with nothing but an acoustic guitar it’s an event in itself. After fights with the paparazzi, drug scandals, and a habit of going out in public without a shirt, Bieber might be the Jim Morrison of our generation (the downward spiral part, not the musical talent part).